


Talking to Snake-Eyes

by Jameson9101322



Category: G.I. Joe - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humorous, One-Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 15:15:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18853660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jameson9101322/pseuds/Jameson9101322
Summary: Originally posted 2008Scarlett notices an absence during a pre-mission briefing. Snake-Eyes is out sick. Scarlett is concerned and distracted, but doesn't what to let it show in front of her team mates. Thankfully she can text her favorite voiceless assassin to ask him how he is. One-shot, humorous.





	Talking to Snake-Eyes

Scarlett rose from her seat and stalled Duke mid-sentence. “What do you mean he's sick?”

The "go" party sat behind a dozen computer consoles with their fingers hovering over scroll-bars. Duke raised an elbow. “The general definition of sick? Don't get excited, he's not dying. Snake-Eyes can be human sometimes, too.”

Scarlett frowned in confusion. “Snake-Eyes doesn't get sick. He's never been sick before.”

“Sure he has,” Flint said. “He just doesn't talk about it.”

“It'll be fine, Scarlett,” Duke consoled. “I know you count on Snake-Eyes' specific skill-set, but Spirit will fill in well. He's no silent assassin but he's got the infiltration thing down... and the animal side-kick.”

“No, I mean...” Scarlett surveyed her team and sat again. “Spirit will do fine. Sorry I interrupted.”

“Can I continue?” Duke asked.

“Yeah yeah, continue.”

Scarlett poked at her console as Duke spoke, skimming the complex pdf of notes and diagrams she was supposed to be reading. She checked her neighbors, they were all poring closely over their screens. Scarlett minimized her pdf and pulled up the network chat room instead.

Flint was already online.

/Flint: You doing alright?

She tapped a response.

/Scarlett: Don't worry about me, Flint, I'm ready for action.

/Flint: Then you should be paying attention to the meeting.

He was grinning at her from across the room. She narrowed her eyes\ and entered a snarky “says you” in the chat box, but the window flashed before she could send it. Another Joe had logged on. Scarlett took a double take at the member-list. 

Snake_Eyes.

Her sudden key tapping was furious.

/Scarlett: Snake! Are you okay!? How are you?

There was a long pause before his response.

/Snake_Eyes: bored.

Scarlett smiled. She'd never heard him speak, but somehow the one word he wrote her sounded just like him.

/Scarlett: Duke said you were sick. Is it bad?

Another long pause. Scarlett wondered what was distracting him. After years of communicating through muteness, the ninja could type ninety words a minute on a keyboard the size of a wrist-watch. The pauses made him sound sicker.

/Snake_Eyes: I've been worse.

/Scarlett: Are you in the infirmary?

/Snake_Eyes: at home.

/Scarlett: Resting?

/Snake_Eyes: trying to.

He sounded so glum. She tried to think of a joke or something to cheer him

/Scarlett: What are you wearing?

She snickered, drawing a confused glance from Breaker seated beside her. She pretended she'd sneezed and grinned expectantly at the blank screen.

/Snake_Eyes: snot sweat and vomit. Still want to come over?

Scarlett nearly snorted and cheated her monitor away from Breaker's curious eyes. 

/Scarlett: Tempting, but I've got a top-secret infiltration assignment so...

/Snake_Eyes: I'll still be throwing up later if you change your mind.

/Scarlett: I'll consider it

She took a moment to recompose herself. When she typed again it was with a more serious tone. 

/Scarlett: will you be okay by yourself?

/Snake_Eyes: of course

/Scarlett: I mean, we'll all be on assignment, so we won't be around to help you.

/Snake_Eyes: Timber's here, it's fine.

/Scarlett: Are you really sure? You're sick...

There was another lengthy pause before any text appeared on the screen.

/Snake_Eyes: something bothering you?

Scarlett stopped to think before typing back. She knew what she wanted to say; she didn't want to leave him behind. His illness must be truly debilitating for him to scrub a mission at the last minute, and his symptoms didn't sound like fun either. 

/Flint: She's worried a wolf can't swab your forehead and feed you chicken soup with a big silver spoon.

Scarlett's face flushed. She shot a scathing look to the third in command. Flint was utterly pleased with himself. The chat window flashed again.

/Snake_Eyes: In that case she has a point. He is bad at those things.

/Flint: I don't think I'd trust soup made by a wolf

/Snake_Eyes: or served

/Flint: opposable thumbs

/Snake_Eyes: exactly.

Scarlett interrupted their tangent,

/Scarlett: You know that's not what I meant

/Flint: Well what did you mean, Scarlett? 

Scarlett shook her head and sighed.

/Scarlet: You two are ridiculous.

/Flint: Snake, she just called you ridiculous

/Snake_Eyes: me?

She wished she could type tenderly.

/Scarlett: You're not ridiculous, Snake

/Flint: No, he's only a mute American ninja with a pet wolf.

/Snake_Eyes: I hear that's pretty normal around here.

“Ahem.”

Scarlet and Flint stiffened at the sound of Duke's voice. He'd stopped talking to stare at them.

“Would you two mind paying attention?” He crossed his arms. “It'd be bad if my two squad leaders entered this operation with no idea what was going on.”

“Uh, yes.” Scarlett tried and failed to exchange glances with Flint. “Sorry sir.”

“Okay,” Duke said, with a note of impatience. “But if I hear you two snickering again I'm cutting the internet from this room.”

Breaker leaned in to whisper at Scarlett. “Please don't make him do it, I'm torrenting.”

She shrank a little into the console. “Yes, sir.”

Scarlett clicked back in the chat as quietly as possible. Flint and Snake were gone, but the ninja had left a message for her in the feed.

/Snake_Eyes: Don't worry about me I feel better already knowing I got you in trouble. 

/Snake_Eyes: Tell Duke I said 'hi'.


End file.
